Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: [email protected].
‘Like Saying You Worked With Scaramucci Forever’
President Trump suggested on Thursday that U.S. troops may soon have to leave hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico. Seth Meyers responded with indignation.
“Following the aftermath of Hurricane Maria, President Trump tweeted this morning that the White House cannot keep FEMA, the military and first responders in Puerto Rico ‘forever.’ Forever? It’s been three weeks! That’s like saying you worked with Scaramucci forever.” — SETH MEYERS
“Look, we can afford to keep troops in Puerto Rico until long after you’ve left the White House — maybe even until Christmas.” — SETH MEYERS
Later in the show, Mr. Meyers did an extended segment on what he said were similarities between Mr. Trump and Harvey Weinstein. He said that there is pervasive and systemic sexism across the upper echelons of American society.
‘The Power of the Pen’
Jimmy Kimmel poked fun at the president’s most recent attempt to weaken Obamacare: On Thursday Mr. Trump signed an executive order allowing insurance companies to offer cheaper plans that don’t meet all the requirements set forth under the Affordable Care Act.
“And this is big, because usually when Trump uses the power of the pen it’s to declare bankruptcy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Fear and Loathing in the White House
Jimmy Fallon zeroed in on the Vanity Fair report from earlier this week that President Trump is showing signs of severe fatigue.
“There’s a big story right now, it’s this Vanity Fair article about the White House. They say Trump’s becoming unhinged. They said that recently he walked around the White House and he shouted, ‘I hate everyone in the White House.’ But later he clarified his remarks, saying, ‘Except for me. I still like me a lot.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“The article also said that Trump and Chief of Staff John Kelly have gotten into a lot of shouting matches. It said that one time Trump got so angry, he punched the tiniest hole in the wall.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Asteroid Edition)
“I saw that Ikea’s teaming up with Amazon to sell its furniture online. They say it’s perfect for the couples who want to argue in the comfort of their own home.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Early this morning, at 1:42 a.m., an asteroid passed by the Earth, and missed us by 26,000 miles — which in space terms is close. In fact, the asteroid was planning to hit us, but then it saw what’s going on down here and said, ‘You know what? I’m going to keep going that way.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“A new study finds that parents do actually have a favorite child. The survey also finds that if you have to ask, it ain’t you.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Kimmel has been on a one-man crusade against “the pumpkin spicing of America.” But on Thursday, he crossed his own picket line and tasted a pumpkin-spice pizza.
Bill Murray is a man of many talents — and at least as many eccentricities.
Enjoy the Weekend
Fall weather has finally descended upon much of the country. Enjoy the first true taste of autumn, and check back here on Tuesday for more Best of Late Night.
Also, Check This Out
Our theater critic writes that “Springsteen on Broadway” is much more than just a good marketing ploy.